Shalzed Meets RFK Jr, Incoming Secretary of Health
Fluoride in Tap Water
RFK Jr- Fluoride Water
Shalzed is a superhero who tried and failed to use his powers to achieve human rights. Now he speaks with individuals whose views he disagrees with, to persuade and understand. For his full bio, click here.
Today he catches up with RFK Jr. and his wife Cheryl Hines as they are searching for a new Washington house. Donald Trump has nominated RFK Jr to be the new Secretary of Health, and in that position he wants to end the practice of adding fluoride to tap water in the United States.
I admit I felt a little out of place loitering outside 1905 New Hampshire Ave NW. According to Zillow this particular townhouse was asking $6.2 million, although really all of Dupont Circle is well out of my price range. I guess that’s what it costs to live in a place that according to the listing offers ‘a perfect blend of modern luxury and timeless charm.’
I waited on the sidewalk as tourists, joggers, and folks heading to work wearing high powered suits passed by. RFK Jr. came out first, staring at his phone. Cheryl Hines followed behind, all bubbly and full of smiles, asking the realtor questions. “Would you like a drink of water?” I called. In my right hand I extended a 500ml plastic bottle of purified water from Walgreens. And no, it wasn’t the one I had been sipping.
“Why the hell are you here?” RFK Jr. said when he saw me. Cheryl and the realtor stopped and stared in my direction.
“It’s a little hot out, and I’m trying to be nice,” I said. “Oh, and don’t worry, I’ll check again to make sure there’s no fluoride.” I pulled the bottle close to my face and squinted as though I was trying to make out what was written on the label.
“Should I call someone?” the realtor asked, reaching for her phone.
“I thought the world was rid of you,” RFK said to me.
“The world is rid of the old me. But I’ve turned over a new leaf. Haven’t you heard?” I replied.
“Do you know this person?” Cheryl asked.
“Yeah, he’s the one who destroyed the UN by making the East River flood,” RFK said.
The realtor wrinkled her forehead. “Security can be here very, very quickly,” she said, holding up her phone.
I was deeply offended that neither Cheryl Hines nor the realtor knew who I was. And I had even watched one of Cheryl’s movies! I folded my arms across my chest and turned toward RFK so my back was towards them. “I was just wondering if you could clarify why the government should put an end to a proven, dirt-cheap program that provides a significant health benefit to the entire population?” I asked.
“Benefit?” RFK exclaimed. He dropped his phone into his jacket pocket and put his hands on his hips. “Fluouride in the water causes arthritis, bone cancer, and lowers childrens’ IQ!”
“What do you know?” Cheryl Hines asked me. She moved towards her husband and put an arm around his shoulders. “You probably never even went to college, and he’s a lawyer and environmentalist.”
“At least I don’t fall for junk science,” I told her.
“Junk science?” RFK asked. “That’s what people say when reputable new studies contradict something they already believe must be true. Even a judge just ruled that Fluoride may be dangerous and that the EPA isn’t doing enough to protect children.”
The realtor stepped beside them. “If you’d excuse us, there’s another home we have an appointment to see,” she said, putting a hand on Cheryl’s wrist.
The study he was talking about used fluouride at twice the level commonly found in water. But people like him are so intent on proving their points they ignore those sorts of pesky little details.
“Let me guess- you’re a democrat and you just can’t get over the fact that Trump won the election,” Cheryl said to me.
That was actually not so far from the truth, but obviously I couldn’t admit it. “Of course not,” I told her. “I’m committed only to human rights, and everyone is entitled to vote as they wish.”
“Does everyone also have the right to make decisions about their own health care?” RFK asked me.
“No, it says in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights that governments, drug companies, and even the neighborhood podiatrist can perform risky medical experiments on anyone they feel like whenever they want to,” I told him. I wasn’t about to let a conspiracy theorist like him talk down to me about rights.
“So people who think fluoride is harmful shouldn’t be forced to take it by the government putting it in everyone’s water. Free choice,” he said.
“That’s right, free choice,” Cheryl repeated. She smiled and wrapped her arms around her husband.
A young woman wearing black tights and a Georgetown University T-shirt approached us hesitantly. Her face was flush, like she had just been jogging. Are you. . .?” she began to ask.
RFK shook his head. “I know what you’re thinking. I look just like that guy who ran for President, but my name is Maxwell Smart. People get us mixed up all the time,” he said.
The woman wrinkled her forehead, ignoring him. “I loved watching Suburgatory,” she said to Cheryl. “And I still remember that black dress you wore to the Academy Awards.”
Cheryl laughed lightly. “Well thank you,” she said.
I have no problem with Cheryl Hines being a bigger celebrity than her husband, but what kind of world is it where an actress is better known than a superhero who fights for human rights? Seeing the miffed look on RFK’s face was just a little consolation. The young woman asked for a photo, and when Cheryl nodded okay she handed the realtor her phone. When she got it back she checked it quickly, then walked away with a huge grin on her face.
“We should really be moving along,” the realtor said.
Their house hunting could wait another minute. “Tell me about the many people who do want to use fluoride,” I said to RFK. “You know, following the recommendation of all the mainstream doctors and the American Dental Association? Don’t they have rights?”
He took a breath that sounded more like a snort. “They can get it from toothpaste,” he said. “Whoever wants fluoride can buy a tube full of the stuff at the dollar store of their choice.”
That’s sort of true, but not really. When fluoride is in the water it helps babies’ teeth even while they’re still forming, and fluoride from water enters the structure of the tooth where it does more good than in toothpaste that gets rinsed away. “Studies show that even when using fluoride toothpaste having fluoride in the water reduces cavities by another 25%,” I told him.
“While causing how many more diseases?” Cheryl asked me.
“There’s no evidence that’s true,” I retorted.
“According to you,” RFK added.
“The point is that some of us believe fluoride causes serious harm. People can buy it if they want, but the government has no business putting it in our water,” Cheryl said.
“Well not everyone has such an easy time getting their kids to brush their teeth,” I said. “And since fluoridated water has been proven safe and effective to the satisfaction of most dentists it’s the right thing to do.”
“These are extremely busy people,” the realtor interjected. “And their move is coming up right away.” She tugged Cheryl’s arm.
RFK’s phone rang. He checked who it was, then swiped to decline. I wondered if he only answers calls from Mar-a-Lago. “We have to get going,” Cheryl said, tugging her husband’s sleeve.
A man pushing a baby stroller with a Whole Foods bag looped around the handle stopped next to me. “Are you RFK Jr?” he asked.
“He really has to get going,” the realtor said, stepping between the man and RFK.
“I lost all respect for you when you endorsed Donald,” the man began. “I was going to vote for you when you were running as an independent. Republicans and Democrats are both selling out our country, a strong third party candidate is what we need.”
“Donald is a winner,” RFK responded. He waved as he let Cheryl and the realtor start to lead him away.
“Climate change is no hoax,” the man called.
Now RFK was smiling. I think he relishes this sort of attention. “Do your reseasrch,” he called to the man as he got into the back seat of a black Range Rover parked nearby. I didn’t think cabinet picks got chauffeurs before the big man takes office, but then I realized the real estate agent was driving.
As they pulled away the man pushing the stroller turned to me. “Did you get a selfie?” he asked.
I shook my head. “You mean with that guy? I don’t want one.”
He laughed and started walking. I strolled in the direction of Connecticut Ave, trying to decide if I should use this visit as an opportunity to see what’s new at Air and Space over on the mall. Not necessary on this trip, I decided. With Trump returning to the White House I’m sure I’ll have many more occasions to be back in the District.
Questions for discussion:
1. The International Covenant on Economic, Social, and Cultural Rights states that everyone has the right to enjoy the highest attainable standard of health. Does this mean that governments should implement public health measures such as fluoridation of water, even if a small number of people object or claim this violates their right to bodily autonomy?
2. Clearly governments should require a high standard of scientific evidence before implementing public health measures such as water fluoridation that affect the entire public. But can there ever be enough proof that a measure is safe and effective, in light of the fact that there will always be some scientists with doubts and there is always a chance that new evidence of harm could be discovered in the future?